February 23rd — It’s snowing today! It’s a magical experience seeing the neighborhood coated with white. Too bad all my life isn’t as magical. I was still feeling queasy last night so cancelled my Monday 5:30 radiation. I figured any remaining cancer cells won’t really multiply that quickly that one extra day off will kill me. I weigh all health decisions with the idea of what will give me the least regret. If the cancer does come back at some time in the future, will I forever blame that one day of radiation I missed back in February 2010? Nope. Move on. When I dropped off Daniel at preschool, I chatted briefly with a mom friend. She asked if I threw up a lot with the nasty stomach bug from the day before since it’s going around and everyone knows someone who has suffered through it. I told her I prevented myself from doing it even though I knew I would feel better because I had throat ulcers and thought that would hurt more than the hours of nausea holding it back. My friend gave me a long look and said, “that’s an awful situation — not throwing up when you need to because of throat sores.” We both grimaced at the horribleness of my life. I think I don’t always hear how my life sounds to “normal” folks when I matter-of-factly state some aspect other people aren’t experiencing. I told someone recently that I just assume my life includes a certain amount of discomfort these days so don’t complain as much as I normally would under different circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I still complain plenty. This morning I started to say, “well, I got to escape radiation one more day because I was sick…” but my friend stopped me, “don’t even try to find a bright spot. It’s just awful,” and she hugged me. My radiation doctor said the throat sores are common in chemo and radiation patients because opportunistic viruses attack when the body is weak. He gave me some medicine and sent me into radiation. The nurses all complimented my fastly growing wavy and thick hairdo. Hair just in time for Austin’s snowy day. We had a real blizzard this morning making driving conditions a bit tricky — but it didn’t really stick because the temps stayed in the mid to high-30s. The kids loved it and we even tried sledding down a nearby hill although by the time we got there it was really more mud than snow. Maybe it’s just my upbeat personality but I don’t think the throat sores and stomach bug were that bad a deal when I get a snowy Austin day and mud sledding with the kids in the same week!