July 9th — I was shocked and saddened to hear that a friend of a friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her main concern in her life, after her health, was that her husband would leave her. She had read that 60 percent of marriages in which the wife is diagnosed with breast cancer end in divorce. I couldn’t find that statistic and even found a few studies that showed that marriages with a diagnosis of breast cancer seem less likely to end. As my witty husband has said, he can’t ever leave me because of the stigma. He’d never be able to hold his head up again around any of our friends or family. Is a 60 percent statistic that much more shocking than the oft-quoted 50 percent divorce rate in the US? In looking up these marriage studies, I did find a surprising correlation: both ovarian and testicular cancer diagnoses lead to a disproportionately high divorce rate. The researchers reflected that both diseases occur in young patients and dramatically affect a couple’s sex life, perhaps more than other cancers. During the first ten years of marriage, a couple’s sexuality cements the bonds between them according to these psychologists so if that is disrupted due to illness, perhaps the marriage can’t stand the added stress. Who knows? I think my husband’s recent crazy business travel has had more of an impact on our sex life than my cancer, but that’s another story…
I read somewhere that breast cancer also takes its toll on the mental health of the breast cancer survivor. (A quick googling shows this). That could play a part; I don’t think it’s just the sexuality thing.
I remember being floored a while back when I read that a married women who is raped has a significantly higher risk of getting divorced. From a man’s perspective it seems hard to imagine that the incident would increase the tendency to leave a marriage (wouldn’t he want to stay to comfort her/protect her?), but the event definitely changes the way a couple interact with one another (for better or worse). These sort of life events challenge the coping skills not only of the woman involved but the man too. I’d like to think that a couple can adapt with the changed circumstances, but this may be easier said than done.